I am now 100% convinced that the Navy is what I am supposed to be doing with my life, that this is the path that God has laid out for my life. Whenever you get set on the path that God has for you, expect opposition. So I went and talked to a recruiter on Friday and got quite a few answers to the questions that I had been wondering about and he was very straightforward with me, which I liked. So I went home with all my info and talked to the hubby about it off and on all weekend. I had pretty much decided by Friday night that I was going to do it, but I still have a few other questions and that sort of thing that I want to find out about before committing. So I get up at 6am this morning to go workout so I can start getting in shape to be able to pass the physical test to become an AIRR (Aviation Rescue Swimmer, I know the acronym doesn’t match the name, it’s annoying) because it requires push-ups and running, 2 things that I detest and am not very good at as a result. Surprisingly I had no trouble getting up and getting going (which is very rare for me, I hate mornings) and no trouble on the way to the gym besides hitting every other red light. As soon as I stepped foot out of my car to go into the gym, my hip started hurting. Like, the kind of hurt where you don’t want to walk or put weight on it, hurting. But I have had such peace about my decision and I was so looking forward to getting started on working towards my very high goals that I knew right away that this wasn’t natural. When you are headed in the direction that you are supposed to go and things suddenly start going wrong or things start happening that would normally stop you from following through, stop and take a minute to recognize that for what it is. You are under attack. The enemy is trying to prevent you from moving forward in the way that God has set for you, he is trying to discourage you, he is trying to cause you pain, he does not want to you move forward to accomplish your God given goals.
So now I am more than 100% confident that this is the way that I am supposed to be going, this is the route I am supposed to be taking. I have no more fear, no more reservations, no more worries. I talked them all out with my husband and he is confident that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I said that I don’t want to leave my job after being there for less than a year, a new pastor being here for barely a month, and the holidays coming up. He said that maybe I’m supposed to leave because there’s somebody else who needs that job the way that we did when I took it, but that there’s nothing wrong with waiting until the New Year if that’s what I would like to do. (The jury’s still out on that one, I’m waiting to hear back from the recruiter about how the timing would work) I said would feel bad because we just moved into a new house that we’re renting from his dad because his dad couldn’t sell it and I don’t want to screw his dad over because he’s planning on us buying it and thing alike that. He said that we’ll just sell the house, his dad will get his money one way or the other and that’s really all he cares about. It old him I don’t want to miss my cousin’s wedding in November, he said I can wait until the new year if that’s what I want to do. (Again, the jury’s still out. My cousin lives about an hour north of Chicago so we’re planning on spending a day in Chicago then going to the family weekend after that so I don’t want to mess up our fun vacation plans. It’ll be the first real vacation we’ve taken by ourselves EVER.)
So now that all the details are squared away for any fit ire issues, all that’s left to do is decide on the big things. While I am kind of bummed that I won’t be able to do things like have my tongue pierced or dye my hair fire engine red anymore and I’ll have to give up my horseback riding lessons that I’m starting next week, I’m more excited for what I can do and what I’ll get in return. I’m really excited that I’m doing this because I want to and not because of money. I’m really excited that I’ll have something to work hard for, that I’ll be doing something that my kids and family can be proud of, and I’ll be doing something that feels worthwhile and I’ll feel good about doing. I will be able to help provide a stable house for my kids to grow up in and I won’t have to worry about if they want to play an expensive sport. I’m not even upset that doing the military means that we won’t be able to foster kids like we had also been considering doing. My hubby pointed out an interesting thing that I hadn’t even noticed. Both times that we have seriously considered foster care, like gone and met with an agency and even started training, were the times that I was also seriously considering joining the Navy. That makes sense to me though, that’s my brain unconsciously putting both life paths in front of me and forcing me to choose. Fostering leads to the life that I always thought I would have, tons of kids and a family life that I could pretty easily predict how things were going to go. The Navy is a path that I have no idea what’s going to happen. I only know 3 people total who have been in the military and 1 of them was in the Air Force in the 60’s so I don’t think that counts as applicable in this situation. So I don’t know what to expect. It helped a lot to be able to talk to my hubby’s friend who has just finished his schooling in the Navy since he knows what I’ll go through, having just recently gone through it himself. But the fact that I don’t know what will happen down that path doesn’t scare me anymore. Ross may laugh and scoff and poke fun, but I’ve been mulling this over for years and have slowly been breaking down those walls and fears and apprehensions during that time so that once I finally decided to do it, I would be ready. And now I am.
So I am still waiting to hear back from the recruiter about the questions I emailed him a little bit ago, hopefully he’ll get back to me either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. AIRR is listed as an available job on the Navy’s website so I am wondering now about how prudent it would be to wait versus just going ahead and going for it. We shall see! I am beyond excited to see where this next adventure that God has us on takes us!
Thank you Lord for giving me the clarity to see the attack this morning for what it was and for giving me the mental strength to push through it, and even though I didn’t do as well as I had hoped, I did it. Please continue to give me favor and the mental strength to be able to withstand any attack, just as You promised me. Thank you for your grace and your love and your forgiveness which are new every day Lord.