God in grief

Yesterday afternoon my mom called me and told me that a close family friend, the son of my dad’s childhood best friend, had been in  a car accident and was on life support. He apparently took an exit ramp too quickly and rolled his car off of it. I’m still in shock a little bit and I still don’t quite know what to do. We used to see Brad and Sharon every summer as kids, they were like a second family. But once we all started graduating form high school (and various other life challenges, including teen pregnancy and the death of a loved one) we haven’t been very close in years. The last time I saw Brad was at his father’s wedding 3 years ago. so I have conflicting feelings about being so upset. I am upset because he has been a part of my life since before I was born, through the friendship that our dads share, but I didn’t know this Brad, so I feel like I shouldn’t be that upset for some reason. But I’m not going to concern myself with those feelings too much, I’m not going to let myself feel guilty for being upset, I’m not going to let myself feel guilty for going out to a movie with my mom and my brother and having fun. It’s still very hard to deal with, I almost broke down when I was talking to my boss this morning about how I’m going to need a day off this week because I’m going to have to go to a funeral in Detroit but I don’t know what day it’s going to be. I had to take a few minutes and leave my office because I started crying and couldn’t stop. I can’t eat because I’m so upset that no matter what I eat, it makes me sick. It’s just so hard to process this, I don’t know what to do with it. 

I do know that I am so thankful for my faith and my assurances from God about grief and death. My mom said yesterday that she didn’t know how people who don’t know God do it. I couldn’t imagine that. God’s promises are the only light spot I see in this horrible tragedy, I don’t know how people who don’t have faith don’t get swallowed up by all the darkness. While I am still working on growing my faith and my first reaction when I heard the news wasn’t to run to God, that’s what I’m doing now. I am trusting in the strong arms of my Heavenly Father to get me through this and to help me to be a strong support to Chris (Brad’s dad) and to Sharon (Brad’s sister) who is estranged from her father. We are believing that through this tragedy, their relationship will begin to repair and they will cling to each other for support through this awful time. 

I have been looking up verses to help me when I start to feel sad and can feel the tears starting to well up so that I can rest in God’s peace and in His promises.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you’ I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalm 18:28

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.” Psalm 46:1-2

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” Psalm 119:50

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

This is a pain that I don’t even think a tattoo could come close to healing right now. My heart and my soul are hurting and I don’t know what to do about it. I am just waiting to hear about when we will be traveling up to Detroit. And buying good quality waterproof mascara.